YOUR EYES!

I found this in a truck that belongs to someone else. He had it tucked away and I did not feel as if I should own it, nor would I want to be the one someone thinks scratched the eyes off of Miss 2.5" landing strip as was the case with my Mother who caught a glimpse of it as I scrolled through photos on my phone of my daughter with a face full of my green smoothie.
Now it is I with green upon his face...


I should also mention that the eyes appear to have been scratched on the negative which causes one to ponder the scratchers intent a bit further.

Deep...

SQUASH SHOPLIFTERS

VIA SFGATE (Which sucks nuts these days! What do they hire the Yearbook staff from high school to write some of the shit that gets put up? Because it's online does that mean that you no longer need to edit for flow, typos or content? I know I am but a caveman with a degree in bullshit but I can still read, despite not being able to write...)

Michigan authorities say a shoplifting suspect died after being crushed in a trash compactor where she was hiding.

The Eaton County sheriff's department said two women fled a Lansing-area TJ Maxx discount store after spraying a security guard with Mace. A deputy found one of the women behind a trash compactor.

Deputies say the woman wouldn't say where the other woman was hiding.

Shortly afterward, authorities got a call about a woman trapped in the trash compactor. Tyree Monique Tate of Delta Township was pulled from the machine by rescuers and taken to a hospital, where the 26-year-old later died.

READER POLE

Remember the reader poll about recycling sex toys?
That was my secret exit strategy, I was going to let the idea germinate/percolate/marinate for a bit and just fire it up and be rich off turning
pocket virginias into neoprene knee braces and the like.

I have been beaten to the punch.
I feel as if I have been penetrated at my very core.

As of right now it seems that I will continue to sweat and curse in the bowels of other peoples buildings until my rap career as MC BIGGA-MORTIS jumps off.

OBSERVEDED

En route to work I can eat an entire bowl of oatmeal from the toll plaza to the end of the bridge while steering with my knees.
Not to worry, no one drives well at 4am.

Upon entering a building that is assumed to be covered I feel water hit my head, knowing full well that it is not raining I scratch my now moist head and look upward to discover that the building in not covered, it is In fact not raining, and I am being wetted by the off spray of someones shower. That alone causes some mixed feelings...

You smell a lot of folks making bacon and/or coffee. Which makes me want breakfast foods in the worst way. Make my bacon fake please.

This job would be a good one for a thief of womens underpants. Not saying I do, just sayin'...
We work in and near a lot of laundry rooms and folks like to leave that shit on the top. Secret message? There is also this possibility.
Not my chair, not my problem.

Working on Pine street at 5:15am, for those of you that don't know Pine and Bush streets are the mini freeways of the city running east to west, that being said people drive like fugitives on these streets at all hours. So we need to get these streets early to avoid blocking traffic and being killed dead. Before we service the first customer a gentleman fully dressed whom appeared to have been up for some time starts in on us about coming too early and how he has called the company time and time again to request a later service time.
What he doesn't understand is that we are not an airline nor a cineplex, the fact is that it's Monday and right now is his service time.
What I don't understand is if you are outside at 5am walking to get your coffee, crack, blow job or bus why does our being here bother you as if you were asleep? Granted he could have a baby...
"I just must live in the city! But simply cannot do so with out the comforts of our summer house."
Noise complaints are killing this job slowly. Old timers say the company used to tell folks to get fucked and if they did not like it they could try to find a different garbage company in the city.

An article in the NY Times on "San Men" quoted an NYC garbage man as saying "We are only noticed on three occassions, when we make noise to early, block traffic or don't pick up someones trash."
Me thinks that sounds about right, as we are ignored by and large.

It is easy to become jaded.

Go here to listen to folks much more eliquent and smarter than I fill your ear holes with more talk of trash.

Time for the 7:30pm phone call to find out when I go to work tomorrow.
followed by push ups, chocolate cake and BSG.

NOW THAT'S A SHAME...

There is nothing wrong with some Michael Cera.

THROWING AWAY A PERFECTLY GOOD WHITE BOY

Amid a shit ton of packing peanuts as if it were never seen...
You can learn all about what goes into making what gets tossed out here.

WIT ESCAPES ME MOST DAYS

If anybody were to sing your theme song wouldn't you want it to be the Simpson's?

ILITERACY IS NOT SPELLED WITH TWO T'S

Crappy photo of the new stamp I had made.
When I find a book, basketball (not too sure how well that will work, doesn't matter anyway, the dog gets all the balls I find and her reading level is way above rubber stamps and shit) or in this case a moleskin journal, I will stamp it and set it back into the stream, unless of course our household can put it to use, in that case I will stamp it as well and every time I use it I will give myself a reach-around sort of pat on the back that says "You really do have half a brain son." and roll through life knowing that I know how to make a rubber stamp come to life.

Then one day, years later, after I have broken my neck falling down 30 stairs with a 300lb can or burlap sack of trash falling upon my paralyzed body I will angrily demand the stamp be thrown in the trash and some other young chump will find this and crown it the highest point in irony and the world will fold in on itself and we will start all over again like the intro to the Simpson's that has Homer evolving from cell to caveman to caveman with a job.

This thing has that much power.

Touch it.

SOME GIRLS MOTHERS

Trying to laugh about John Lithgow's part in The world According to Garp with a gentlemen from Mezcala does not work out loud as you would imagine it would in your pop culture addled head...

That did not stop us from cracking up over this rather husky trans-dressed individual that climbed into the back of the hopper (where the trash goes before the blade scoops it into the body of the truck) to get a skateboard while the truck was running, of course I had no Idea that she was going to need to climb in to get her roll on.

Check the sweet sequence I shot of her bstgbs....
Pulled it clean, I think it is the overcoat that really sends the message.

Another fun occurrence today; I pulled a can up from the basement in a TL building today and once i opened the lid there was a fresh yet dead pigeon staring back at me with it's hollow, hollow eyes...

IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME, NO IT'S YOU, REALLY...

With the new aggressive campaign the city has taken up I am surprised that we have yet to see one of these pop up stateside.

I have caught one before, I can catch one again.
I got my mitt, coach, put me in!

THROW IN THE DUCT TAPE AND PERSONALIZED LICENSE PLATE AND WE HAVE A DEAL

Oh citizens of Cow Hollow...
You used to roll so hard.

THE SHIT YOU COME UP WITH

Imagine if it were dark and you had to step between two containers to push this one out for service... and the above is why you push from the ends and not the middle.

I believe the term for this is "Wall Shits" but you may have to adapt the title to the location of the actual shit.

Maybe I should ditch the blog and start the "Wall Shits Journal", there are so many examples in the city, perhaps that is the first off-shoot blog.

I need a staff to bark orders about shit at first tho, the possibilites are endless:
WHAT IS THIS SHIT?
WHAT IS THIS SHIT DOING HERE?
WHOSE SHIT IS THIS?
I DID NOT KNOW YOU COULD WALL SHIT A FIRE HYDRANT?!

G IN THE AIR

Been reading this while working nights in the area it takes place. This guy is the best and it's no wonder you hear the name Dashiell being called by three to four different set of parents, it's like Django but possibly cooler.
I am hooked on crime novels lately. I do not look forward to the day my man dies...

So I think Wikipedia owes me a coke or some shit.
That's what the kids do now-a-days right?
Coke?

its 3:30AM, I'm showering and sleeping until I cannot any longer....

HEY DILDO!

Check the new poll to the left to the left...

Yesterday was my first day back after a week and a half of being off on family leave, I was sick the whole time, still am... wahhhh!

The call came to report to the yard at 4:30am Thursday morning and I will be going somewhere and doing something. Its difficult to go to bed at 8:30pm when you have been staying up until 11pm watching BSG for a week and a half...
I finally got to bed at 11 and rose at 3am...
Pretty Sweet!

I went on a food waste route, got home at 11am and continued to do shit around the house and yard to ready it for our daughters first birthday.
No nap, and that usually leads to me being called in at night.
So when the phone rang at 7pm telling me to come to work at 9:30pm I was not surprised, a bit angry at God, but not surprised.

So in my first 24 hours back to work I slept 4 hours, worked 11 hours, and paced for 12...

STYLE C.H.U.D.S.!

>
Two great tastes that taste great together!
I dont know why it posted twice ( I FIXED IT BITCHES!!!), the tech support guys are not in yet and I have to be at a meeting in the Sequoia room at 8:30 with Dan from accounting...
Besides I am a trash man not I.T.. ad besides again, this video is that good that you will watch it twice or maybe even mash it up for a club mix you lady pants wearing chud!

Also, and so on, this appears to be a series go here
to see the rest.

THIS GUY WALKS INTO THE DOCTORS OFFICE AND SAYS "I'M A TEE PEE! I'M A WIG WAM! I'M A TEE PEE! I'M A WIG WAM!". THE DR. SAYS "RELAX, YOU'RE TWO TENTS"

Now this is the second tent I have found while working.
Every so often there are trends in what folks are throwing out, sometimes I toss out five dog beds in one week, other times its dvd players or bread boxes.
The universe is a funny place.
I should start a freelance demographic/trend tracking/marketing company, I see the shit you throw out and I see the boxes of the shit you just bought...




Should it come as a surprise that the dirty foot prints on the door are Birkenstocks?
Would it be any different if they were bare feets?
Do you think broseph pulls them out only when he goes camping or to Cochella?
would I be a sharper person if I did not crowd my head with such crap?

On a lighter note:
Some asshole threw a ground bloom flower (firework) at me one night a few weeks back while I was working in China Town, he then got stuck at a red light as we approached.
I suppose I was more grateful than I was angry because it got the heart pumping a bit and distracted me from the thousand of pink bags you tend to see go in and come out of the truck when working in China Town at 1am.

WICKER MAN

Not to sure how recyclable this dude is, but he was posted face down at the pier where we dump the recycling.
I proceeded to bury him in Russian Hill's finest recycling.
Among the debris was some rich folks big assed box of vacation photos marked "Dubai" "Egypt" and my favorite "Poor places, Etc.".
I'm sure he dug looking at those as he rode the sorting belt....


**those are not my tire marks...

CAN YOU SAVE ME ROCKY DENNIS?

I am thinking about making these.
Best mask ever!
As we drove through Cow Hollow I put this on and my co-worker honked at folks, mostly women (hence the mask), it was humorous though to see some of the stuffy money ladies crack up as they walked into the coffee and smoothie spots. I think I shed a few funny tears during this trip...

SERVICE WITH A SMILE

TWO OF A KIND?

Although I found the photo of Miss Thang in the bath room at the pit (dump) at four in the morning out of my mind from lack of sleep and the other (space orange? eye xray? mammogram?) in the TL around the same time in the morning a year or so later I can't help but wonder if they are not connected somehow...